I have found myself observing people more of late, and the one thing that has come through consistently is that we have a total lack of self-awareness as the prevalent theme.
I have been on a very specific journey for the last couple of years and it has called on me to develop my EQ and that in itself breaks up into different segments, namely social and personal EQ. I first encountered EQ when I started my degree, and at the time I didn't see how that was a requirement, or better stated, relevant at all. I however started seeing almost immediately why it was a critical skill for setting yourself up for success.
The premise is that you can only relate to others if you have a proper understanding of yourself. You have to know exactly what your pressure points are as well as how to deal with them in order to be able to deal with others, and it was this knowledge that set me on the path I have been on for several years now.
I needed to fully understand myself, and not just understand myself, I also had to know how certain things made me feel as well as how I would deal with those feelings. Mastery of self is truly a difficult and challenging task, but once you achieve that mastery, that my friends is when the real work begins! I found that the view I had taken of many things changed and I applied very different thinking around many things as well as many interactions that I encountered once I had mastered myself. The irony is that you actually find yourself on a continuum of mastery and learning as you constantly evolve yourself as well as your thinking over time, and as a direct result, you find yourself constantly listening to what people say and applying the requisite thinking and automatically you filter through people in order to surround yourself with those who help you grow and enhance yourself. The sad reality is that we are surrounded by people in society who have not net unlocked their EQ, and as a result, such interactions are often frustrating and generally yield no positivity.
People generally find themselves in a mindset of being an eternal victim of circumstance or their surroundings, as they continually expect direction and help from all around them but themselves. Life becomes a continuum of constantly being done wrong by others and consistently waiting for a solution to come from somewhere other than themselves, because the ingrained belief system tells them that someone always needs to take the blame for their misfortunes or mishaps.
The fundamental flaw in that level of thinking is that they defer their own locus of control to others without even thinking about it or even informing others that they have deferred their locus of control to whoever it is, leaving that person oblivious to that knowledge, and then when the person does something that they find hurtful, the resentment and apathy kicks in reinforcing the mindset that the other person is responsible for their pain.
One then clearly sees how every incident then becomes somebody else's fault, as the individual is unable to understand themselves as well as why certain things befall them, becoming totally oblivious to their part in whatever it is that happened.
The lack of self-awareness precludes the person from reflecting and as a result the victim mentality is reinforced, leading the person into the next situation with absolutely no learning or improvement of the self.
The critical thing to understand here is that it is so difficult to change yourself, so how on earth is it that we can assume we have the ability to change others? It is so sad to see that an apathetic attitude is adopted by most when it comes to taking responsibility and accountability for themselves, simply because the need to blame someone else is greater than the need to actually understand ones self.
I was on the receiving end of many instances of this lack of self-awareness by colleagues and family alike. I was generally blamed for making people feel a certain way according to them, without them realizing that I am unable to make anyone but myself feel something. The sad thing is that when I confronted the individuals and clarified that I could not make them feel something, they got really upset and offended, as they were hellbent on believing that I was making them feel the way they said they were feeling. I was blamed for people having experienced misfortune as a result of having met me as well, which resulted in the same reaction on their part of being upset with me for clarifying that I could not have that amount of influence on them, and much less their lives.
The sad reality is that people refuse to be a part of their own rescue, and in turn, levy that responsibility on others, as opposed to firstly understanding themselves and why they feel a certain way. The introspection brings about varied levels of clarity as well as providing answers to the many challenges life throws at us, as we navigate tricky emotions and unclear expectations.
I have found that anger is often the enemy of self-awareness, given that we give ourselves over to anger in such a way that we allow it to cloud our judgement and leave us blind to many other things. Anger is one letter away from danger, so it has an implication that we channel the anger in such a way that we explore why we feel a certain way, so that we are able to navigate our way out of it by experiencing the feeling, dealing with the emotion and finally making the correct decision to learn from the situation. The sad reality is that most people will linger in the emotion of anger, sadness, disappointment and the like, without trying to understand why they feel the emotion, and instead they try to apportion blame to others, not realizing that by lingering in the emotion, they become enslaved by it, and very often moving into a funk which if unchecked becomes a mild depression.
One would at this point still have the question: "What is self-awareness?" The answer simply put is having a sharp realization of your personality, including your beliefs, thoughts, strengths and weaknesses, as well as your motivations and emotions. The benefit to self-awareness is that you will find it easier to understand people and detect in return how they perceive or experience you.
Developing and increasing self awareness can be done in the following ways:
1. Look at yourself objectively - Seeing yourself as you really are can be a difficult process, but if you do the right things, getting to know yourself can be quite rewarding. Once you are able to see yourself objectively, accepting yourself becomes easier and you are able to improve yourself into the future. How does one do this?:
Identify your current perceptions by writing them down. It could be things that you are good at doing or things you may need to improve.
Identify things that you are proud of or achievements that stand out in your life.
Reflect on your childhood and what made you happy back then. Are things the same or have they changed? Do you know what has changed and why?
Encourage others to be honest with you about how they feel about you and take the feedback to heart.
The reflection will give you a fresh perspective on you as well as your life.
2. Keep a journal - A journal allows you to write down anything, even if it has no relation to your goals. Recording your thoughts on paper relieves the mind of anxieties and old ideas, making way for new thoughts and ideas. Reflect on your daily successes and failures in writing, as this helps growth and lays the foundation for achievements. Reflect on your values as well as what is important to you right now. The self-reflective questions will give you a better idea of who you are and what you want out of life right now.
3. Write down you plans priorities and goals - Set out your goals in a worksheet, so they turn from ideas into a step-by-step process. Larger goals can be broken down into mini goals so that they don't appear to be overwhelming.
4. Perform daily self-reflection - Self-awareness is nothing without self-reflection! One is required to set aside time daily to take an honest look at yourself as a person. Commitment to this daily practice will help you improve.
5. Practice meditation and other mindfulness habits - Meditation is the practice of improving your mindful awareness. Meditation does not necessarily have to be formal, one is just able to find greater clarity from moments of silent reflection. One can ponder the following during meditation:
What is your goal?
What are you doing that is working?
What are you doing that is hindering your success?
How can you change your process to improve it?
Meditation can take on many forms, such as washing dishes, going to church or going to the gym or for a run.
6. Take personality or psychometric tests - Personality as well as psychometric tests help us in understanding what characteristic traits we have. The reality is that there are no right or wrong answers to these tests, instead, these tests encourage us to think about our set of traits which closely describe us in relation or relative to other people.
7. Ask trusted friends to describe you - The only way to understand what others think of us is to listen to feedback from peers and mentors, as they play the role of being honest mirrors for us. The people providing such feedback need to be told to give honest and open feedback, or they will not feel safe in providing the same. One should also ask these trusted sources to alert you to things you consistently do that you want to change, especially when these moments arise.
8. Ask for feedback at work - Aside from the informal trusted sources of feedback, solicit formal feedback at work. Generally a strong leader is the best source of such feedback, as they will be able to single out your strengths and development areas. The feedback should be consolidated by writing down the main takeaways, and actively working on it.
(Source: https://www.developgoodhabits.com/what-is-self-awareness/ )
The journey of self-awareness is one that will take some time, but self-awareness in itself is not a destination, as we constantly evolve, well, at least, we should evolve. The results are simply you getting to know yourself better, and having greater as well as more positive impact on various aspects of your life, especially your interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships. The sad reality is that most people are so comfortable with the ability to blame others and stay enslaved in their emotions and negative mindsets, that they will miss out out the ability to enrich their relationships as well as improve their lives by taking this journey.
I find myself in my umpteenth iteration of my journey, and the lessons and learnings I make daily about myself have been so revealing and to a large extent have shaped my decision-making ability so immensely, that I look back on some of my decisions from the past in horror, but with the comfort that I will not make the same mistakes again. I will take part in my own rescue! I will not be a slave to my emotions!
Instead, I will continue to seek deeper understanding of myself and in turn a deeper understanding of those around me in an attempt to surround myself with people who bring out the best in me and not the stress in me.
We pass through this life but once, and I would like to have passed through all of this having made the most of every day and having made true connections with those I have encountered on this journey.
#blaauwchronicles #donttalkaboutitbeaboutit #lifestyle #boss #legend #bespoke #dapper #winning #dmoney #dolcevita #itsalllove #loveyours #legacy #authenticity #persistence #lifestyleclub #lifeonlybetter #mylife
Commentaires