Life is a journey filled with ups and downs, successes and failures, and a myriad of emotions. Along the way, we often find ourselves hurting others unintentionally or making mistakes that leave us grappling with guilt and remorse.
While it's essential to seek forgiveness from those we've wronged, we often forget an equally important person who deserves our apologies - ourselves.
On my journey to self, I have come to understand just how important that is, and I have had to grapple with how I get that done, simply because we generally never regard ourselves as being our first priority.
In this blog, we will explore the significance of self-forgiveness and the steps to take in order to heal and grow from our past mistakes. The Burden of Guilt Carrying the weight of guilt can be an overwhelming and self-destructive experience. It can cloud our judgment, lower our self-esteem, and prevent us from moving forward in life. The more we suppress the need to apologize to ourselves, the more we distance ourselves from true inner peace and happiness. I have found that I wear my guilt as a badge of honor, without realizing the immense weight of doing so. Recognizing the Need for Self-Forgiveness The first step towards self-forgiveness is acknowledging that we are human and bound to make mistakes. We must realize that we cannot change the past, but we have the power to shape our future by taking responsibility for our actions. I have found in my own personal experience, that forgiving myself was always off the table because I felt that I had to suffer for whatever I felt I was experiencing as a result of whatever action I had taken either against myself or the next person. Accepting Imperfection Perfection is an unattainable standard, and holding ourselves to such a high bar only sets us up for disappointment. Embracing our imperfections and understanding that everyone makes mistakes helps us foster self-compassion and paves the way for self-forgiveness. I struggle with this in the most unimaginable way, purely due to the fact that I feel everything so deeply. Letting Go of Regrets Regrets often haunt us for years, but dwelling on them only perpetuates our pain. It's crucial to face our regrets head-on, understand the lessons they offer, and then consciously release them. By doing so, we create space for personal growth and positive change. I have quite a journey to walk with this one due to my programming and life experience, but I see the criticality of getting there soon. Embracing Self-Compassion Practicing self-compassion is not an act of weakness; it is a gesture of strength and self-awareness. We must treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would extend to a friend in need. Through self-compassion, we learn to forgive ourselves and give room for healing. Learning from Mistakes Instead of seeing mistakes as failures, view them as valuable learning experiences. Every misstep is an opportunity to gain wisdom, develop resilience, and create a better version of ourselves. Embrace the lessons learned, and carry them forward on your journey. Redefining Self-Worth Forgiving ourselves means breaking free from the belief that our worth is tied to our mistakes. Our value as individuals transcends our errors, and understanding this empowers us to rebuild our self-esteem and sense of self-worth. The Gift of Self-Forgiveness Self-forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves - a key to unlock the chains of guilt and self-doubt. By granting ourselves this gift, we can embrace personal growth and find the strength to move forward with clarity and purpose. Apologizing to oneself may seem unconventional, but it is an essential step in our journey towards self-acceptance and inner peace. As we learn to let go of past regrets and forgive ourselves, we gain the freedom to live authentically and wholeheartedly. Embracing our imperfections and learning from our mistakes empowers us to become better, more compassionate versions of ourselves. Remember, the path to self-forgiveness might be challenging, but the rewards it brings are immeasurable - it allows us to mend the broken pieces of our soul and embark on a brighter, more fulfilling future. So, take a deep breath, find the courage within, and give yourself the apology you deserve.
I found myself being drawn to the Ariana Grande song "Thank you, Next", and that song made me reflect on quite a bit in terms of being more understanding and gentle with myself. I have that song on repeat most days when I struggle with myself, and many folk will want to cancel me in this very rife time of cancel culture, but I could not be bothered, as toxic masculinity is thrown about with such reckless abandon, when in fact, we have toxic femininity which is just as much of a problem. Fact is we have a toxic humanity problem, but I digress, back to the song. I always come back to a specific lyric in that song,
"Spend more time with my friends
I ain't worried 'bout nothin'
Plus, I met someone else
We're havin' better discussions
I know they say I move on too fast
But this one gon' last
'Cause her name is Ari
And I'm so good with that (so good with that)" . I find this to be such a powerful declaration, as I have found that in the losses I have taken on the relationship front, the gain I made was finding myself again. Fact is now that I have found myself, I'm actually having better discussions. The song teaches some powerful lessons, namely:
Your ex's are not evil
Everything happens for a reason
You are not only loved by a significant other
Pain facilitates your growth
Gratitude is essential for your happiness
Joy is a necessity
I am constantly growing, healing and evolving and I have so much more to experience in this life, so learning to be gentle with myself is imperative. Apologizing is one of the hardest things to do, and apologizing to yourself is almost unheard of, simply because we would ignore ourselves as a societal norm.
I owe myself the biggest apology for ignoring my needs and putting the needs of others ahead of me. I owe myself an apology for being unnecessarily hard on myself. I owe myself an apology for accepting less than what I deserve! Sorry self! I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me.
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