We find ourselves yet again at the back end of another year, and as is the norm, it's a time of reflection. The truth be told, it's not just the end of another year! We are closing the curtain on yet another decade.
I find myself not only looking back on the year that was, but also at the decade that finds itself at it's close. I have made so many experiences in the last year as well as the decade which in many ways has shaped me into who I am today, and the rate of change for me has been so rapid, that I generally am not even the person I was the day before.
Truth be told, so many people will tell you that you have changed, as if staying the same was ever an option! I have had to evolve, to adapt, to heal and more importantly, Improve!
I am probably one of the most difficult people to be around, given that I have yet to find anybody that understands the way I think or even understands me deeply beyond the superficial access I give anyone, and that makes me quite a challenge for anyone.
I have spent the largest part of the last decade figuring myself out, tweaking habits, curbing my over-thinking, trying to please every person and their cat, seeking validation and more importantly, chasing things I thought would make me happy.
The results of which were not at all what I was looking for, and moreover didn't give me the sense of happiness I was looking for.
I have spent the last few days in deep reflection as well as introspection, as I refuse to go into this new decade making the same silly and not to mention costly mistakes or bad choices I did in the last decade. I am older now and I have made some realisations over the passing decade which demand better of me.
My reflections have led me to a couple of learnings made over the last year, where I lost my job, basically got kicked out of house and home, lost out on precious time with my kids and most importantly, I nearly lost me.
I think it's fair to say that I have had lots of things to draw from in my reflection and introspection and the learnings were quite sobering for me.
The learnings were as follows, and not necessarily in order:
1. Nobody cares
Everybody is going through their own struggles, and in reality, life goes on and nobody could be bothered about your struggles and battles in life. Truth be told, most people don't even know what you are going through. You could be shot down in the middle of a crowd and nobody would bat an eyelid. Most people actually take pleasure in the misfortunes of others, and actively seek out these instances to get their gossip fix, by spreading the gossip-mongery and finding their entertainment in it. People are quick to judge others as it deflects attention from their own short-comings and failings.
2. Help
Everybody wants help, but not everybody wants your help! Critical lesson learned over the last decade for me! I have resolved to just not help, especially when such help has been scoffed at in the past. My kids are generally the ones who will benefit from my help, and a concerted effort will have to be made to be there for them more than what I have been.
3. Self Care
No sense in changing yourself to make someone like you. You are who you are, and there is no sense in changing for someone else's approval or affection. Self care is exactly what it says, care of yourself, and placing that in the hands of someone else is not only irresponsible, it's totally stupid! I need to love myself enough to know what is damaging or detrimental to me, and not forego my care in pursuit of caring for someone else who doesn't have good intentions for me.
4. Happiness
As simple as it seems, happiness is an inside job is something that not everybody knows or even understands. Most people tie their happiness onto people or things, and sadly never realise that people and stuff can't make you happy. It starts with you! You control what you feel, and moreover, you create what you feel. Situations can affect the way you feel, but you decide how to react to them, and more importantly how to feel about them.
5. Energy
I owe myself a massive apology for this one! I have allowed negative energies into my spaces, and I have allowed certain energies to sap me of my own precious energies in my pursuit of love and acceptance. I have made a concerted effort in the last year or so to always audit the energies around me, to ensure that I preserve my own energy. I must admit that I still fail in this as I have in the last few months ignored certain negative energies to my own detriment, but I have resolved to fix that really quickly. The sad reality is that negative energies come in the form of family and loved ones, and we struggle to create distance between ourselves and these negative energies. I have learnt however, that it is of critical importance to cut out all negative energies around you, as it just brings you down in the worst ways.
6. Deal-breakers
I have become very aware of deal-breakers for me, and as difficult as it is to speak up at the time any deal-breakers arise, I have found that for my own sanity and peace-of-mind, I have to speak up about it. I have been so bad at this of the last couple of years, and I need to start changing this aspect of myself.
7. Kids
I have always been clear about the fact that I didn't want kids. The fact is that I just feel I am in no way qualified to raise kids, as I haven't even mastered myself yet. I have three beautifully gifted kids, and they have my heart in a way nobody will ever have my heart. Truth bomb is they never asked to be here, and that gives me a monumental responsibility in that I need to prepare them for this big bad world we live in. The truth of the matter is that they need my support, guidance, reprimand and most importantly my love.
8. Passions
Most people go through life not knowing what they are passionate about, and I have made a clear commitment to myself that I will not be one of those people! I am passionate about developing people, travel and my sport. I will no longer compromise any of these passions for anyone else! Period! I have a finite amount of time on this earth, and that time has to be spent exploring and chasing my passions.
9. Freedom
Freedom means different things to different people, and for me, freedom means living my life on my terms! I refuse to become a slave to building freedom for someone else. I have to work on my freedom in every way possible, and that means giving other people's expectations notice! Everybody has an expectation of you in some form or manner, and those expectations are ALWAYS at your expense. Do yourself a favour and try to pay your bills with other people's expectations and see how that works out for you? The important thing to remember is that freedom isn't free, it's currency is sweat equity and it's payable daily!
10. Malicious Intent
The last few years have been quite educational around malicious intent. I have been used and seen people get used by others for malicious intent on the part of another party. It has become common place for people to use others to impose their malicious intent. Relationships, working arrangements and family bonds have been broken as a result of other people's malicious intent as well as their cowardice to show their true intent. I refuse to be a conduit for other people's malicious intent, and more importantly, I refuse to be a party to a loss of any kind for another individual.
I guess my reflection and introspection will be scoffed at by some, and trivialised by others, but it's been my reflection, as this is in fact my journey, and no two people's journeys are the same. The finite time I have left needs to be spent doing things that will add value and meaning to my life and the lives of those I look to bring positive change to. The exercise will also be one of the greatest gifts I can give my kids, as they do as I do and not what I say they should do.
The next decade has to be different! I can't expect different outcomes by doing the same things I have done to this point. I deserve better, and I can only get better by doing better!
I have lived my life almost apologetically, and I need to fix that disrespect of myself. I can no longer shrink myself to be accepted or tolerated by others. I have a voice and a goal, and I will not be silenced in my quest to live an intentional life.
Reflection and introspection are critical components for us to check where we are on our life journey. It gives us the ability to adjust our sails, clear out clutter and re-focus ourselves with intent. We should however not just leave this exercise to the end of any given calendar year, as we benefit from doing this daily.
On to the new decade and all it brings with it! I see opportunity, I see growth, but more importantly, I see me at the wheel!
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