I was reminded of a poem I read many years ago when I just started working. The author of the poem is unknown, but the contents of that poem have haunted me for all these years and as a result I have had this internal strife going on inside me.
I have started seeing the reasons for the strife, and as a result, I have learnt the lessons as well. I must say that it is not particularly easy, nor is it pleasant at times, but one thing is for sure and that is that it is in fact necessary. I have been raised in a certain way, and that shaped many of my interactions and relationships in life. I was taught to never be hurtful or vindictive towards anybody, but the same courtesy was never extended to me. I learned in a very cold and clinical manner that people will use and abuse you and not even bat an eyelid in the process as long as they get what they want. I really battled with that most of my life, resulting in people walking all over me and using me as a doormat! The examples are etched into my memory like rock carvings that have been passed on over the years and the recollections are all but pleasant for me.
I have always given too much of myself and in the end felt the brunt of people's ingratitude as well as their insatiable need to be demanding of me. I remember as a child, always being polite and letting other children get on rides ahead of me or play with my toys without considering me, then later on in life, seeing how I would help others without any reciprocation on their part when I needed help, right up to my adolescence, where I would be walked all over in relationships only to get dumped because I was too nice to hurt anybody's feelings.
I have only ever ended two relationships on my own, the rest were all just instances of me getting dumped by various women who had just had their fill of me.
The two instances in question where I ended things were really difficult and painful experiences for me, as I am just not the kind of person who finds it easy to hurt another person in any way, form or manner. I really ended up beating myself up over those two instances, and as a result, I avoided getting to that point at all costs. I then encountered the poem in question, and it posed the question around whether someone was a Season, a Reason or a Lifetime and in as much as it was self explanatory, I just didn't get it.
Life had to beat me up a bit and really put me through the ringer to understand this poem. The meaning and understanding of this for me was manifest in a really odd way, as I have been on a journey of self reflection and one of de-cluttering my life as it were and then all of a sudden, the meaning slaps me right between the eyes!
Some people come into your life for a Reason, and it's mainly to meet a need that you have expressed. The people come into your life to assist you through a difficulty you are experiencing and provide guidance and support or to aid you physically, emotionally or even spiritually! They are there for that specific reason, and then through no fault of theirs or ours, they leave us because the need has been met and the required assistance has been provided.
Some people come into your life for a Season, simply because your time has come where you need to grow, share or learn something. You would find that they bring about laughter and a sense of peace in your life and often the teach you to do something you have never done. The experience brings you joy beyond measure which is extremely real and often unbelievable, and then they are gone from your life, as their Season with you has reached it's end.
We then encounter that person that is there for a Lifetime, and their purpose is to teach you Lifetime lessons; the things that you need to build on for a solid emotional foundation. The person is to be loved and the lesson is to be accepted, as well as putting all you have learned to use in other relationships as well as areas of your life.
I had learned that the poem teaches one when it is time to let go of people, things or situations. The lesson is indeed a hard one for most people and there I include myself, as we are governed and coerced by the societal construct that frowns on breaking certain established societal "norms". We are expected to act a certain way and accept when we are stepped on or abused, and the old adage of "turning the other cheek" becomes a real expectation. We are constantly pointed in the direction of "what will people say" or "what will people think of you", as a means of reinforcing the societal construct at play. We live our lives in the shadows of the very people we are trying to appease, who actually in the greater scheme of things couldn't give two hoots about what happens to us. The reality is that people are always looking for new things to gossip about, and sadly, gossip has a very limited shelf life. Society's craving for news of other peoples misfortunes is so limited, that they constantly have to be fed with new bits of gossip at regular intervals to keep the gossip mongers happy.
My lesson simply taught me that I am the CEO of my own life, and that the only person I can change is me, and to that end, I would have to hire and fire people in my life in accordance with what my requirements were. I must admit that the lesson was a really pertinent one to me, because I had to take stock and "audit" the people in my life. The biggest question was to ascertain who was adding value to my life, and who was not? The simplest metric to best make the assessment was to see who brought out the best in me and who brought out the stress in me. Yes, it's that simple! The difficulty lies in actually purging yourself of those people because we have the tendency to over-complicate things for ourselves at the best of times.
I don't say this as a judgement, because we are not aware of what the next person is battling with. I am on the journey and I have lots to do, but I have a sense of purpose and clarity which will guide me along this path that I am on.
I have come to realize that people generally find it acceptable to cause hurt for others, but will pull the victim card when the tables are turned. We can therefore see that there is never a right time for anything that causes hurt or inflicts pain on anybody, but that does not mean we accept when pain or hurt is inflicted on us. I find that it is in those very moments, when we act in our own interests, that we find our greatest critics. People will always pass judgement without seeking to understand the situation first, simply because it is more satisfying to pass judgement than to understand another person's pain or struggle in life.
I have to shed my incessant need to always ensure others are always prioritized ahead of me, and I need to be a bit selfish when it comes to myself. I read a saying that states: "Invest in yourself, it pays the best interest". I have always invested my time and energy into making sure everyone else around me is taken care of, and then sat back only to realize nobody extended the courtesy to me. The reality here for anybody who would get this, is that you cannot serve others if your cup is empty, meaning that you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anybody else.
Life is too short to be miserable, and knowing that there is never a right time to inflict hurt or pain on anybody, it calls on us to have a good level of self awareness and insight as to when we start becoming the cause for hurt or pain of the next person.
I find that too often people stare at a door that has shut in their faces, not realizing that just because that door has shut, doesn't mean another door isn't opening for them. The time taken to stare at that closed door stops them from seeing the other doors opening for them.
A wise man once told me that if you don't know where you are going, anywhere becomes your destination. Most people are merely existing, and not living because they have no purpose in life.
Socrates famously said: "The unexamined life is not worth living" One can therefore see that there is Never a right time to live a life without purpose, and one has to be clear in the knowledge of the people who come into our lives for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime
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