Life has a way of throwing curveballs, and over the past few years, I've been hit by more than my fair share.
As a colored male in South Africa, the financial challenges I've faced have been daunting, especially with the added burden of being retrenched from my corporate job and struggling to find employment for four long years. This is my story of resilience, hustle, and hope.
The Fall from Corporate Grace
I remember the day I was retrenched as if it were yesterday. One moment, I was comfortably ensconced in a well-paying corporate job, and the next, I was standing on the precipice of financial uncertainty. The initial shock was soon replaced by a gnawing fear. How would I support my kids? How would I maintain the life I had worked so hard to build, which was now crumbling around me?
Despite my best efforts, the job market was unforgiving! A period of four years, I knocked on doors, sent out resumes, and networked tirelessly, but nothing materialized, even after I was nearly 2000 job applications in. The South African workplace is governed by policies that look to redress some issues relating to our past as a nation, but those policies just don't help if you are a colored male, as you are blocked with the legislative bureaucracy as well as the ageism. You are told you not the right color as well as that you're on the wrong side of forty, not forgetting my favorite, you're over-qualified and we can't afford you. Each rejection chipped away at my confidence, but I couldn't afford to give up. I had responsibilities, not least of which was ensuring my kids were taken care of.
A Father's Worst Nightmare
As if my employment struggles weren't enough, life dealt another harsh blow. My daughter suffered a terrible medical emergency, her condition so severe that it nearly claimed her life. The emotional toll was devastating, but the financial strain was equally crippling. Medical bills piled up, and my already precarious financial situation became even more desperate. Added to that, I was in constant fights with the medical institutions relating to my daughter's optimal required care, fights, which I am engaged in to this day. The emotional anguish caused in this regard is something I still grapple with, as I am still triggered by what my daughter went through.
Hustling to Survive
Given that traditional employment opportunities were eluding me, I turned to hustling to make ends meet. I started selling perfumes and soccer shirts, anything that could bring in some income. It wasn't much, but it was something. Every sale mattered as I fought to keep the wolves from the door.
One of the toughest aspects was maintaining the payments for both my and my ex-wife's cars. These vehicles were essential for our daily lives, but the monthly payments, along with insurance and other debit orders, were a constant source of anxiety. It often feels really thankless and unseen.
I often found myself juggling bills, deciding which ones could be delayed without dire consequences, eventually it all broke me, and I laid my financial situation bare before my parents and sister who helped me tremendously. The help, although much needed, was a really bitter pill for me to swallow, as that decimated my self worth, causing an internal struggle for me where my logical brain knew the help was critically needed, but my pride ravaged me. We are often bombarded as men with the weight of expectation that we just provide, and no thought is given to how we have to make that provision, but the expectations remain.
Perceptions vs. Reality
Throughout this ordeal, a perception that seemed to indicate that I was living my best life, free from the financial burdens appeared. It was a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that my struggle was not evident in the eyes of some people, simply because I chose to apply a positive mindset to my challenges. The reality was far from glamorous. Every day was a battle to stay afloat, to provide for my kids, and to keep the bills paid without the bank foreclosing.
Many a morning would be a struggle for me to even get up out of bed, as finding the will to continue seemed futile. Many days passed, where thoughts of ending it all were constantly on my mind, and the cracks would show at times, as I would struggle to not breakdown when I was asked about how things were going.
It's so easy to take a view on someone else's life and make all these assumptions in our heads about how nice they have it, only to forget that we don't see the next person's struggle because they don't put their struggles out like that.
A Glimmer of Hope
Eventually, I managed to secure a job. It was a far cry from my previous corporate position, both in terms of responsibility and salary. The pay was substantially less, but it was a lifeline I desperately needed. Even with this new job, the financial pressure remains immense. Each month is a delicate balancing act, trying to stretch every rand as far as it will go, given my daughter's medical bills as well as all the other financial commitments I have to meet. I was bombarded with the sage advice that "something is better than nothing", and on some level, that may be true, but we live in quite a different world now. We live in a world where expenses can wreck you even if you are employed, as one has to balance ever increasing debt with a salary which doesn't cover the debt and doesn't increase at the levels your debt does.
I remain grateful for what I have, and I cannot fault that it gives me some impetus in dealing with my financial situation.
The Road Ahead
My journey is far from over, but I've learned to find strength in the struggle. I've come to appreciate the value of perseverance and the importance of staying hopeful even when the odds seem insurmountable.
My daughter's health has stabilized, and for that, I am endlessly grateful. Every small victory, every bill paid, is a step forward.
Life as a colored male in South Africa, compounded by financial hardship and the challenge of finding stable employment, has been incredibly tough, but through it all, I've discovered a resilience I never knew I had.
My story is one of many, a testament to the strength and determination it takes to navigate life's unexpected twists and turns.
As I look to the future, I remain hopeful. I continue to hustle, to work hard, and to strive for a better tomorrow.
My daughter's laughter, the occasional sale of a perfume or soccer shirt, and the small milestones I achieve in my new job are constant reminders that, despite the challenges, I am moving forward. So for now, that is enough.
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