A Conversation with My Son
Being a father is something uniquely complex. It's a role that evolves, and as your children grow into their teens and adulthood, it sometimes feels like the connection points we once had disappear, making such conversations really challenging and sometimes near impossible(I know it's not cool chatting to your old man, and sadly I have had to come to accept that I may not be the most exciting conversation that you and your sisters will have.).
I’ve watched you, my son, and your sisters grow, and in many ways, it feels like a blink since you were all little. Now, with you slowly approaching adulthood while navigating your teen years, I find myself grappling with how to impart some of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned, not just from life, but from the mistakes and triumphs that have shaped me.
One-Sided Relationships:
I want to start with something that took me a while to understand—the perils of one-sided relationships, whether it’s a friendship, a romantic relationship, or even a professional one, I’ve learned that balance is essential. Always be aware that when you’re giving and giving, but the other side isn’t reciprocating, it’s not a relationship; it’s a transaction, and transactions, my son, are exhausting when they’re not mutual, and often end badly for you(I have made many experiences, and no matter how we try to rationalize it in our minds, it' never good for you.).
I’ve been in those relationships where I kept hoping the other person would change, that they’d finally see my worth and start giving back, but the truth is, if someone doesn’t value you from the start, they’re unlikely to ever truly do so. It’s better to recognize this early and adjust your expectations or, if necessary, walk away. You deserve to be in relationships where you are valued and where there is mutual respect and care(Never compromise on this, never!).
Understanding Your Value:
This brings me to something closely related—understanding your value. I spent years underestimating myself, letting others define my worth. It’s easy to fall into this trap, especially when you’re younger and still figuring things out, but the sooner you understand that your value doesn’t come from what others think of you, but from who you are and what you bring to the table, the better off you’ll be.
There will always be people who try to diminish you, who see your kindness as weakness, or who don’t appreciate what you offer, but that’s their limitation, not yours. The moment you know your value, you won’t settle for less than you deserve. You’ll make choices that align with your worth, and you’ll protect yourself from those who seek to take advantage of you(Trust me son, there are many who would seek to take advantage of you, and think nothing of it.). Never give people discounts at the expense of your value!
The Power and Importance of Solitude:
I’ve also learned the power and importance of solitude. In a world that constantly bombards us with noise, demands, and the expectation to always be “on,” solitude is where you find clarity. It’s where you reconnect with yourself, sift through the chaos, and hear your own voice above all others(You seem to have mastered this at your age, and it makes me so proud! Keep evolving the skill).
I know it might seem like being alone is something to avoid, but trust me, solitude isn’t loneliness. It’s a powerful tool for self-discovery and growth, and when you’re comfortable in your own company, you make better decisions because they’re based on your true desires and not on what others expect from you.
Understanding Yourself:
All of this leads to understanding yourself. I’ve watched you grow, and I know how easy it is to lose sight of who you are in the midst of trying to fit in(Something I have personally never seen you do, so keep that up.), trying to be everything for everyone. Allow me tell you, the most important journey you’ll ever take is the one within. It’s not always easy—self-awareness often requires confronting uncomfortable truths—but it’s essential.
Once you truly understand yourself, you make choices that are in alignment with who you are. You’ll choose the right friends, the right partners, the right career, because you’ll know what you need, what you want, and what you’re willing to compromise on—and what you’re not(Take the journey to understanding yourself, it's well worth it!).
The Power of Saying No:
Part of understanding yourself is recognizing the power of saying no. This is a lesson I wish I had learned earlier. It’s one of the most liberating things you can do. Once you say no to things that don’t serve you, you’re saying yes to yourself. You’re setting boundaries, protecting your energy, and prioritizing your well-being.
People will always try to guilt you into saying yes, into doing things that benefit them more than they benefit you, but saying no isn’t selfish; it’s self-preservation. It’s recognizing that you can’t pour from an empty cup, and sometimes, you need to reserve your resources for what truly matters to you.(Once again, this is something you have mastered earlier on that what I had, but I will caution you to keep it up and never change, as your early adult years could trip you up.)
The Value of Being Yourself:
My Son, here’s a truth that took me years to fully embrace—the value of being yourself. I know how tempting it can be to conform, to mold yourself into what you think others want you to be, but I’m telling you now, there’s no greater gift you can give yourself and the world than to be authentically you.
Remember when you’re true to yourself, you attract the right people and opportunities. You’ll find that life becomes a lot more fulfilling when you’re not constantly trying to play a role that doesn’t fit. Embrace your quirks, your strengths, and even your flaws, because they make you who you are, and who you are is enough. (I am so immensely proud of you! You have always done this better that what I have, and I pray that you stay this way.)
Choosing Your Circle:
Lastly, choose your circle wisely. The people you surround yourself with will have a profound impact on your life. They can either lift you up or drag you down. I’ve seen how the right friends, mentors, and partners can make all the difference on your journey.
Surround yourself with people who inspire you, who challenge you to grow, and who support you unconditionally. Don’t be afraid to distance yourself from those who bring negativity or drama into your life, and that includes me!(Although a head's up/conversation wouldn't hurt if I were to be in any way negative. I am and always will be your dad, and would always want to have a relationship with you). You don’t owe anyone your energy or your time if they’re not adding value to your life.
Essential Lessons to Pass Down:
As I reflect on all these lessons, I realize there are a few more things that every father should teach his son:
Respect Women: Always treat women with the respect they deserve. This isn’t just about chivalry; it’s about recognizing their value, strength, and contributions to the world. A man’s character is often revealed in how he treats women, especially when no one else is watching(This may seem confusing, given how things worked out for our family, but I always maintained the rule of respecting your mother, and showing up in the best way possible.).
Work Ethic: There’s no substitute for hard work., so whatever you choose to do in life, do it with commitment and integrity. Success isn’t just about talent or intelligence; it’s about perseverance, showing up consistently, and doing the best you can, even when no one is applauding(I am and have always been your biggest fan, so you can always count on me being there clapping for you and urging you on. All I ask is that you always give it your best!).
Emotional Intelligence: Learn to understand and manage your emotions. It’s not weakness to feel deeply(hey, your dad does!), to express vulnerability, or to cry. True strength lies in being able to navigate your emotions and to communicate them effectively. This will serve you well in all aspects of life, from your personal relationships to your professional endeavors.
Financial Responsibility: Money isn’t everything, but it’s a tool that can either build or destroy depending on how you use it. Learn to manage your finances wisely, save for the future, and avoid unnecessary debt. Remember, financial independence is a significant part of personal freedom(I cannot emphasize this enough, always be financially responsible!).
Integrity: Above all, be a man of your word. Your reputation is one of your most valuable assets, and it’s built on the foundation of your integrity. Do what you say you’ll do, be honest even when it’s difficult(this is by no means easy), and let your actions align with your values. Integrity is what sets apart the ordinary from the truly exceptional(And I know you are exceptional! Heck, you have my DNA after all!).
So these are the pertinent lessons I’ve learned, often the hard way(I only have myself to blame for that!). I wish I could sit down with you and your sisters and have this conversation face-to-face, but I know how difficult it can be to bridge the gap between generations, especially as you’re all finding your way in the world. My hope is that these words resonate with you, that they serve as a guidepost as you navigate your own journey. I’m proud of who you’re becoming, and I’m here, always, if you ever want to talk.
I am so proud of You, as I look at you, I see my determination, my seriousness and my analytical thinking to the power of 10 in you. You have already surpassed me! I just need you to remember that you are free to make any decision, but you are never free from the consequences of your decisions.
With all my love,
Dad PS. As a final bit of advice, always remember that control of your mind will give you control over everything! We are all free to make whatever decisions we want, but we are bound by the consequences of those decisions, be it goo or bad.
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