As I look back on the year so far, knowing that as we speedily race to the new year where lots of reflection normally happens, I look back specifically on the lessons which I have had to learn in the last eighteen months.
I have often come across a common saying, which states: "I know what I bring to the table, so trust me I'm not afraid to eat alone!" I have in many ways this year been brought face to face with this saying, and it has taught me so much about myself as well as my self-worth, as I have constantly given a discounted me when I should have known and valued my worth.
The one thing that will bring this into stark reality or direct focus for you is when you are faced with the prospect of divorce. You will find that your value will be criticised, your inputs will be discounted an often blatantly ignored. The reason for this is that the other party will feel the need to discredit and destroy you, which is a natural human response for those who lack self-awareness or the ability to look at a situation objectively. One thing we all should be very aware of is that we are all at some point a villain in someone else's story.
The natural response to some thing like that is to retaliate and put forward a response in an attempt to counter what is being said about you, and most people would not begrudge you that indulgence, simply because people get a kick out of other people's pain. The reality is that people are getting entertainment value out of your situation and you are providing it free of charge. I have had to learn in so many difficult lessons this year that there is absolutely no value in responding to such things, as it only adds to building animosity. People will say what they want to say and everybody has an opinion on things, but that's not to say firstly their opinion counts, nor that the opinion is correct.
People are so quick to forget that there are three sides to every story, but they feel that they have to choose a side and in the process they forget that not all they are told should be taken as gospel. I have learned as well that judging or getting angry with those people is actually futile, as it doesn't bring you any value and definitely not any peace.
I have had to learn that my peace is critical to me, and no monetary value can be attached to peace. I have so badly wanted to defend my name and anything that was said about me, but in realising that if people would be so eager to take in what was said about me, that they never really knew me and that made me understand that they don't deserve any space in my life. I took the criticism head-on and in working through it all, I was able to navigate all the noise and clearly see my part in situations that I was criticised for, and upon dissecting things I realised even more how I had been giving discounts on myself. The whole exercise was so liberating and brought about such clarity for me, as it allowed me to recalibrate my worth, it removed people who actually added no value to my life, and it showed me some people's true colours.
The journey was by no means an easy one! I struggled with what was being said, and I had to fight back the anger as well as the need to "tell my side", but in the end, my quest for peace was of greater value to me than trying to correct people's perceptions of me. I had learned as well in the process that the people who really care about you and actually know you would not be swayed by things that are said about you because they are the ones who actually know you and know the value you do bring. I was so in awe of these people, as they understood the simple fact that "Gossip dies when it enters the ears of the wise". People also have the propensity to surprise you, and I saw this in the few who voraciously defended my name when I was not there to speak on my behalf, and funny enough they never felt the need to tell me what they had done. I took that as a deep lesson as well, given that it's so easy to want to claim plaudits for yourself when you do things for other people. The lesson was that not everything you do needs to be publicised and brought to people's attention if your heart as well as intentions are in the right place. One of the biggest lessons I did however learn this year was owning up when you are wrong without having to justify your wrong. I must admit that it's so easy to fall into an explanation of why you did wrong, but so much growth comes from owning up to your wrongs and working on not making the same mistakes again. The toughest part of this lesson is having to be at peace with the fact that not everyone will look at things in this way, but in order for me to get to my state of peace, I have had to let go of the resentment of seeing inequitable situations, knowing that I cannot ensure that all situations are dealt with in an equitable manner and that is admittedly still a challenge for me, but I am learning to let things go. I had to come to a harsh realisation that justice and equity will not always come in a way that I expect it to come, and unfortunately, evil intent wins out initially, but good always wins out in the end. The importance of knowing that family as well as friends can steal your peace has to be acknowledged, and actively assessing the energies around you cannot be ignored.
The knowledge of understanding that I cannot control everything has given me such a sense of liberty at times, but I am working on letting go of control entirely, as this is the only way to be at peace.
Peace, you will come to find in time, is the only thing worth striving for, simply because when you are at peace, love and prosperity automatically join.
I have therefore learnt the lesson in valuing myself. Noting very explicitly that anything that costs me my peace, is too expensive for me.
I can truly say now as well that I know what I bring to the table, and I for damn sure am not afraid to eat alone!
I have explored the demands of people's expectations as well as having assessed their intentions, and the one thing that stands out to me is that when you have people in your circle who have no expectations of you, other than seeing you happy and at peace, you have to hold on tightly to them, as they are your true guardian angels in this life!
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