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Writer's pictureDamien Blaauw

I Miss Who I Was...

Updated: Dec 27, 2023


Heartbreak is a universal experience, something that almost everyone goes through at least once in their life. It's an emotional earthquake that can shake the very core of your being, leaving you forever changed.

I have had to reflect on the way I am now as a result of a significant heartbreak, as it closed me off to everything that followed afterwards, and I have to apologize to those left in the wake, as I never really opened myself up again. The walls came back up, and I never fully committed myself to anyone again.

I will explore the profound ways in which heartbreak can shape who we are and the paths it can lead us down.

The Scars We Carry

When we experience heartbreak, it often leaves deep emotional scars. These scars can be a constant reminder of the pain we endured, and they may influence our future actions and decisions. We might become more guarded, less trusting, or even cynical when it comes to matters of the heart. The emotional walls we build to protect ourselves can affect our relationships with others. I could never take down the walls after the heartbreak, which now in retrospect, shows me how closed off I had become.

Self-Discovery

One of the silver linings of heartbreak is the opportunity for self-discovery. When a relationship ends, it forces us to reflect on who we are and what we want in life. It can be a catalyst for personal growth and self-improvement. Many people who have experienced heartbreak use it as a chance to become more self-aware and to focus on their own goals and dreams. I have embraced working on myself and the things I have learnt about myself have given me clear indications of my "deal-breakers" as well as my "non-negotiables".

Changes in Priorities

Heartbreak can also lead to significant shifts in our priorities. It can prompt us to reevaluate what is truly important to us. Some people choose to prioritize their career, personal growth, or even their friendships over new romantic relationships. In this way, heartbreak can redirect the course of our lives. My default was always to quickly get back into a relationship, as one of my fears was being alone, but I learnt the importance of my solitude and my absolute requirement for it. I prioritize myself above all now.

Resilience and Strength

Enduring heartbreak can build resilience and inner strength. When you've faced emotional devastation and managed to heal, you become more resilient to life's challenges. The experience of heartbreak can serve as a reminder that you are stronger and more capable than you may have realized.

New Perspectives on Love

Heartbreak can change the way we view love and relationships. It often fosters a deeper understanding of love's complexities and the importance of communication and emotional intimacy. People who've been through heartbreak may approach future relationships with more care, empathy, and a greater appreciation for the beauty of love.

Artistic Expression

Many artists, writers, and musicians have used heartbreak as a source of inspiration for their creative endeavors. It's a way to process their emotions and connect with others who have gone through similar experiences. Heartbreak can fuel creativity and lead to the creation of beautiful works of art. I used my heartbreak as a crutch that held me back from moving forward with my life, and I robbed myself of so much as a result of that. I have since come to understand how much I lost as a result of that approach, but in reflecting on all of that, I have come to realize that life is short and needs to be lived and experienced to the fullest.

Learning to Let Go

Healing from heartbreak involves the difficult process of letting go. It teaches us that we cannot control every aspect of our lives and that sometimes, the best thing we can do is accept what has happened and move forward. This newfound ability to let go of the past can be a valuable life skill. I struggled for years in learning how to let go, simply because I was not prepared to let go, as I felt that hanging on to the pain was what I had to do, almost as if I deserved the pain. Letting go came eventually once I understood the lesson I was meant to learn from the experience.

"I am this way because of my heartbreak" is a statement that resonates with many. Heartbreak can change us in profound ways, influencing our thoughts, actions, and perceptions. While it's a painful experience, it can also be a catalyst for growth, self-discovery, and transformation.

In the end, the scars from heartbreak serve as a reminder of our resilience and capacity to heal, ultimately shaping us into stronger, wiser, and more compassionate individuals.

I initially did not have this view of heartbreak, as I for the longest time could not see beyond the pain, often wearing the pain as a badge of honor and even putting it on a pedestal.

I did however flip the script and started looking at how I could emerge better from heartbreak, as I was always stuck on the thought that "I missed who I used to be".

I realized how much I have learnt from the heartbreak and I had to acknowledge that I was not as fragile and immature as I was before. I had lost parts of who I was, yes, but I had developed other characteristics and traits as well!




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