We all, at some point in our lives are faced with the quintessential question, "Who am I?" The harsh reality though is that most of us never really answer the question, and a large portion of us who attempt to answer the question, sadly don't answer it honestly!
I can already hear some folk protesting and hissing, saying "What gives you the right to say that!" and "That's a rather presumptuous thing to say!" I do indeed stick to my statement, and my retort is simply this: "We tend to shape our idea of who we are based on family, friends and our significant other."
Many can argue against this statement, but on deeper and more honest review, we would find that a minute percentage of us actually are their own person.
We morph into and assimilate our personalities to suit the situations we find ourselves in simply to fit in, be noticed or to exaggerate something about ourselves for the edification or benefit of others we esteem in some form or manner.
We then proceed to carry out our lives with the assumed identity often into perpetuity, given what we choose to settle on as "The" personality of our choosing.
It would all seem fine and dandy, as we then get on with the business of life and living and all that is subsequently thrown our way, because as we all are well aware, Life tends to move at a rapid pace, causing us to just try and keep up.
In all this hustle and bustle, as well as the struggle to just keep our heads above the waterline, we don't even pay much notice to the question of who we are, as we are in the thick of things on this thing we call Life.
I had done the same thing on my journey: as a teen it was about fitting in, as a young adult it was about getting noticed, and as a more established adult it was about becoming what my job needed me to be in order to further my career aspirations.
In all that time I had become a father, a husband, and I was a pseudo-elder sibling, and the assimilated version of me was in full effect, not in the least considering or even acknowledging the question of who I really was.
I was then placed on quite a radical trajectory in terms of answering the question, given that I was introduced to personal development, a concept that was foreign to me, as I always steered clear of the crowd who pushed personal development, as it seemingly was always attached to a business pitch or what we affectionately label as "pyramid schemes"
My life had been rocked in such a manner that I could not help but sit up and pay REAL attention! At the best of times I could not fathom what was happening to me, as I had never been the person who was into books or even critically looking at myself, added to all of that, I had the opportunity to do a Business Administration degree, added to which, an opportunity to do a Harvard Management course.
I was in such a tailspin, as my life was literally being turned upside down in a way that I firstly couldn't comprehend, and secondly I couldn't stop, given that something inside me had opened me up to this challenge. My life was changing at such a rapid pace, as I started travelling, becoming more self aware, critically analyzing everything around me. I started looking at the people I was surrounding myself with, I started becoming increasingly aware of conversations and what at the time I labelled as vibes coming off people and especially the effects of these vibes and conversations.
I started looking critically at what people would speak to me about, and how those conversations left me, I in turn would spend more of my time with people in whose company I was left feeling energized and uplifted. In spending time with people with a heightened level of self awareness, I found that my self awareness improved exponentially, and it propelled my personal development to the extent that I had started changing certain habits and I took an entirely different view on myself.
I then stumbled onto a friend who had on offer a free mindset session, and I opted to give up the time to attend the online session, and I must admit it totally flipped my lid. I was faced with so many more questions around who I actually am! To that point I had made some adjustments in my life and I was seeing some great shifts in effect already, but I was yet again shown that I have quite a bit more to work on if I was to live the life of my choosing and be the ME, the real ME, the ME I choose to be. I had learned that everything about us as human beings emanates from the self and then moves outward to our circles & spheres of influence, and what I had previously termed as vibes was actually energy & energy is transferable.
The question persisted though, "Who am I?"
We all would generally answer the question in the order of our name, our age, where we reside, our educational qualifications and family status or something similar but in different order depending on the person being asked. The reality is that is great and all, but is that in fact who you are?
Are you in fact your name or marital status? Are you your educational qualification? Heck, are you your age? I hope you are getting to see where exactly this is going, but if not, let me illuminate you.
I had to start understanding my thinking patterns, I had to evaluate whether I am intrinsically or extrinsically motivated, I needed to understand what exactly made me uncomfortable, what made me angry, what made me happy, and moreover, I needed to understand what were deal-breakers for me in any given situation. I trust that you are now getting the gist of the much daunted question of "Who am I?"
The question in itself is quite the quandary, but wait till you get to answering the question! Better yet, the host of questions it raises for you! Why? You ask? Well, here's the kicker, once you are able to answer the host of questions "Who am I?" poses, you are then left with the question of whether or not you are able to articulate those answers when needed. Many may now retort that it wouldn't be a challenge for me, but ask yourself if this would really be the case?
The problem arises for many at this point, given that we morph into a form of ourselves in various circumstances for whatever reason, and some classic examples are derived from the workplace, social groupings, religious groupings, and most importantly, relationships.
We learn the art of "biting our tongues", "being politically correct", "being socially acceptable", "sparing one or the other's feelings" and most importantly, "keeping the peace".
So tell me now how much of a challenge this would really be for you?
We all know one or the other person who is "straightforward" as we would term such a person, and they tend to say what they feel, which makes other people uncomfortable.
Such people are generally passed off as being "rude" or "too direct" in most cases, these are the ones with a clear indication of who they are, and people secretly envy them without really understanding why.
The answer to that question of why some of these straight shooters are admired is due to the confident display of being themselves, and being totally unapologetic for it!
We however need to make a clear distinction between people who have this clear sense of self, and the ones who are just rude and unhappy with themselves and take pleasure in just being blunt with others.
On my journey of self development and trying to understand myself, I have come to realize the quantum of work it takes to achieve mastery and knowledge of self, and it's not in the least an easy task, nor does it ever end, given that as a person, one should always be evolving.
A healthy level of self-awareness needs to be developed, the willingness to take the journey is a non-negotiable, as this will push you through those not so nice discoveries about yourself.
The goal is to get to the other end of this knowing yourself, and being an effective version of yourself who is able to relate to others as well as communicate and effect boundaries as required.
It all sounds great on paper, and would appear to the uninitiated as being a cake-walk, but fair warning to all is that we all operate under specific paradigms which dictate our steps. Your paradigm becomes your reality, so it's best that you control your paradigm, and not have it the other way around.
You have to know who you are in order to navigate life & relationships successfully, or things would be quite challenging for you.
We only need to look at the concessions we make for spouses, loved ones and colleagues to realize how this actually plays itself out in our lives.
We harbor resentment, anger and hurt due to the concessions we make in not being our authentic selves and it affects our health as well as our mental faculty. If this doesn't illustrate the importance of knowing yourself and giving yourself the right to be you, then I don't know if anything else will. It also illustrates the responsibility levied on individuals to take responsibility for themselves, and not going through life blaming our situations on others.
I encountered quite a powerful quote on my journey of self development that articulates the importance of the question quite succinctly, and I share the same with you in closing:
"If I want to be free, I got to be ME.
Not the ME You think I should be, not the ME my wife thinks I should be, not the ME I think my kids think I should be.
If I want to be free, I've got to be ME. So I better know who ME is." - Bill Gove
#blaauwchronicles #donttalkaboutitbeaboutit #arkanelifestyle #reflection #introspection #me #energyneverlies #dolcevita #itsalllove #loveyours #legacy #authenticity #selfdevelopment
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