As I sit down to ponder the intricacies of human relationships, I find myself drawn to the paradox of monogamy.
It's a concept deeply ingrained in societal norms, yet it often clashes with the complex tapestry of human chemistry.
In this exploration, I aim to delve into the multifaceted nature of human connections, examining how different types of chemistry intertwine with the notion of monogamy.
Firstly, let's unravel the threads of attraction that weave through our lives.
One can say there's undeniable allure in the initial spark of chemistry, that electric connection that ignites when two souls resonate on a profound level, and this can manifest in various forms – from physical attraction to shared interests, from intellectual stimulation to emotional resonance.
It's this initial chemistry that often draws people together, setting the stage for deeper exploration, however, as time passes, the landscape of chemistry evolves. We then see what was once a fiery blaze may simmer into a steady warmth, characterized by comfort and familiarity.
This evolution raises questions about the sustainability of monogamy.
Can one person truly fulfill all our needs, both emotional and physical, over the course of a lifetime?
Or are we inherently wired to seek out new experiences, new connections, even as we remain committed to our partners?
Herein lies the paradox of monogamy – the tension between our desire for stability and security, and our innate drive for novelty and exploration. It's a delicate balance, one that requires introspection and honest communication within relationships.
How do we navigate the ebb and flow of chemistry while honoring our commitments to each other?
One perspective suggests that monogamy is not about stifling our natural impulses, but rather about channeling them in a way that enriches our primary relationship. This requires a shift in mindset – from viewing monogamy as a restriction to embracing it as a conscious choice, grounded in love, trust, and mutual respect.
Moreover, it's essential to acknowledge the diverse array of relationship structures that exist beyond traditional monogamy. Polyamory, open relationships, and other forms of consensual non-monogamy offer alternative frameworks for navigating the complexities of human connection and these dynamics, while challenging societal norms, underscore the importance of individual autonomy and agency in matters of the heart.
Ultimately, the paradox of monogamy invites us to redefine our understanding of love and commitment in the modern age. It compels us to embrace the fluidity of human relationships, recognizing that the chemistry between individuals is as dynamic and ever-changing as the tides of the ocean. Chemistry is often the driver behind people coming together, as well as the reason for people breaking up.
Chemistry can be broken up into seven different types:
Physical Attraction: Appearance would be the main catalyst for chemistry between two people, where good looks would be the arousal factor for most people. Most people wouldn't even realize that their interest in the other person is being driven by being under a spell of "sexiness".
Codependency: It occurs when one person is dependent on their partner or the relationship to an unhealthy extent. Self worth, survival and identity is gained by being in the relationship with or directly from the partner.
Shared Purpose: Finding resonance with another person in purpose or mission in life. Shared passions and interests immediately form a strong foundation for the parties concerned, driving continued involvement. Both parties are encouraged to pursue goals and interests mutually and not at the expense of either party.
Personal Growth: People who come from stagnant relationships where they felt stuck meet kindred spirits who acknowledge their own inhibitors, challenges and shortcomings provide this chemistry type. The pairing immediately gets to work by sharing feedback & insights on how to help each other, building a strong foundation rooted in growth and improvement. Reading and intellectual capacity are modes of fulfillment in this space.
Courting The Muse: The mutual desire to escalate the other's desires characterizes this type of connection. Generally this type of chemistry/connection happens with entrepreneurs, artists and creative types. The reality is that this is not a romantic connection in any way, and it fizzles out quite quickly.
Past Life Agreement: The instigators of this chemistry are people who believe in karmic connections, soul mates and past lives. The parties concerned have a deep rooted belief that they made a pact in a past life to meet up in this one, and the goal is generally to pay off some or the other cosmic debt.
Sexual Chemistry: The most compelling of them all, but also the most troublesome. The connection is generally a lusty one, which can feel irresistible, and this is particularly where the problem lies. At the onset, the literal chemistry hormones released in our bodies set off "in-love" fantasies which are generally not based in reality. Later on this type of chemistry keeps some people involved, long after they should actually have split up. Ironically, sexual chemistry is a vital requirement for any healthy relationship, and most people find that it fades very quickly, causing the relationship to end. Most "happy" couples refer to this chemistry as the "glue" that keeps them together once they understand its importance and cultivate it consciously.
I have my own views on the subject, as does everybody else, but given that human beings are given the capacity to love, I find it quite fascinating how monogamy is passed as the accepted norm. Not challenging, just merely making the observation.
We can go down the annals of history and see how monarchies and oligarchs and the like have actually practiced polygamy in the forms of accepted mistresses and "discreet" arrangements which we even see today in the monarchy and society at large.
So in my exploration of my preference and my changing outlook on life, I am finding that my world view is being constantly challenged as I find myself feeling more and more out of place in the way society is evolving.
I would not survive the dating pool in it's current iteration, and I find that keeping to myself gives me the most peace and finding intellectual equals is becoming so much of a challenge. I am typically vanilla, and that is pretty much how I am built, so I stick to my preference and say "to each, his or her own"
Do what makes you happy, what makes you really happy! Happiness is after all an inside job.
In conclusion, the journey of exploring human chemistry against the backdrop of monogamy is a nuanced one.
It's a journey marked by introspection, vulnerability, and a deep appreciation for the complexities of the human heart. As we navigate this terrain, let us strive to cultivate relationships that honor both our need for stability and our capacity for growth and exploration. After all, it's in embracing the paradoxes of love that we truly discover its boundless potential.
Comments